Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I was awake at 2:00 AM again.  I stayed in bed until 5:45 because I just can’t work out when I’m that tired.  I’m going to take a nap at lunch time & will do a BodyRock workout when I get home.  I AM going to get it done!


I was thinking about Wendy’s hypnotherapy experience (I almost typed experiment lol).  I am really intrigued by it because of all my issues surrounding dieting.  I have been thinking about the question about why I want to do it & know that all of my reasons are valid reasons.  I am not doing it to look good for anyone except me. 


This led me to ask myself if that is true, why I fail or have such a hard time getting it done.  I think I’m afraid of success in that I think deep down if I lose the weight & look that good I’ll only relapse.  So if I don’t get it done then I won’t relapse. 


That has really given me a sense of…what are the words I’m looking for? Motivation? Inspiration?  Whatever.  I think I can get it done now.  I’m going to try to remain positive about getting done. 


I’ve also decided that I am not ready mentally to do a competition.  I’ve been contemplating it for all the wrong reasons—to prove Ernie wrong isn’t a good reason.  I’m not ready to do it for the sake of saying I did it.  I have to get past the diet issues & we all know I ain’t there yet. 


I’m supposed to be getting a bonus next pay (which is a week from Friday).  I think I’m going to put it toward the PN LEP.  If I do nothing else but learn to get rid of emotional eating I will have gained something.  I’ve been reading the responses from people that have done it in the past & think I fit the “profile” of someone that will really benefit from the daily coaching that goes with the program. 


I’m on my way with my challenge. I’ve got 50 squats under my belt this morning & will do my pull-ups when I get home.







Anonymous said...

This is all very interesting. I mostly eat because I am bored or because I am tired or because I am thirsty or because I am reading or because because because. Rarely because I am actually hungry. However, I am not sure if this is really "emotional" eating. It is more like "eating because it is a terrible habit I have" sort of eating.

Not to make this all about me! D'oh! But your post got me thinking, so thanks.

I think you probably needed the day off after the traps/neck situation last week. Perhaps that was the last vestiges of whatever leaving your body.

WTG on the squats! I will be doing mine later.

Deb said...

Marie, that’s part of the reason I want to do the LEP. I eat for those same reasons. Or if the fucking director of operations puts a cake on my counter so that everyone in the squadron can come by & say, “oh no, I can’t eat that. I’ve got to be able to pass my PT test.” FUCKER MOVE YOUR DAMN CAKE!

I love to eat popcorn when I’m reading but haven’t done it in a long time. I’m feeling pretty deprived & falling back into my old secretive eating habits. I need to get it back under control but not feel "pressured" about it. I'm working on it.

I haven’t done anything except squats & 5 pull-ups since last Thursday so the day off isn’t needed anymore…what is needed is to sew my mouth shut & to get back to the gym.

stacey said...

I have had neck and shoulder weirdness too - it sucks! I am glad you are feeling better.

Wennndy said...

I think this is a really good decision for you, Deborah. In fact, honestly, I feel kinda relieved to read your thoughts, because I was worried about the pressure this kind of dieting would put on you right now.

You kind of have to have everything lined up just right mentally, emotionally, practically, etc., for it all to fall together without coming unglued (and coming unglued is actually pretty darn normal haha). Dieting for a physique comp is unnatural and extreme. Which is why most of the people I know who have dieted this way have a borderline eating disorder, if not a downright diagnosable one, after they come off their programs. I do NOT want that to happen to you!!!! xox

Doin the Math said...

*raises hand* Yep. I think if I didn't have a bona fide eating disorder after my comp, I had as close as you can get. But, then again, I had an old school diet master, not someone sensible like Wendy!

But yeah, as much as you can get dialed in for "real life" before the extremes of contest dieting, the better. XOX

Deb said...

John & I talked about LEP tonight. I've got the green light to make the commitment. I'm so excited.

I have enough problems with eating without continuing down the comp path right now. I was a purger in high school. I have had thoughts of doing it when I've had bad days lately. I'm 46 years old for Christ's sake. I don't need that kind of shit.

Time to get healthy & leave the "diet" alone for a while.

Thanks, ladies, for your input.

Kim said...

Good decision on the LEP, Deb!

Anonymous said...

Yoo-hoo! Hope all is well with you! xox

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