I was awake at 2:00 AM again. I stayed in bed until 5:45 because I just can’t work out when I’m that tired. I’m going to take a nap at lunch time & will do a BodyRock workout when I get home. I AM going to get it done!
I was thinking about Wendy’s hypnotherapy experience (I almost typed experiment lol). I am really intrigued by it because of all my issues surrounding dieting. I have been thinking about the question about why I want to do it & know that all of my reasons are valid reasons. I am not doing it to look good for anyone except me.
This led me to ask myself if that is true, why I fail or have such a hard time getting it done. I think I’m afraid of success in that I think deep down if I lose the weight & look that good I’ll only relapse. So if I don’t get it done then I won’t relapse.
That has really given me a sense of…what are the words I’m looking for? Motivation? Inspiration? Whatever. I think I can get it done now. I’m going to try to remain positive about getting done.
I’ve also decided that I am not ready mentally to do a competition. I’ve been contemplating it for all the wrong reasons—to prove Ernie wrong isn’t a good reason. I’m not ready to do it for the sake of saying I did it. I have to get past the diet issues & we all know I ain’t there yet.
I’m supposed to be getting a bonus next pay (which is a week from Friday). I think I’m going to put it toward the PN LEP. If I do nothing else but learn to get rid of emotional eating I will have gained something. I’ve been reading the responses from people that have done it in the past & think I fit the “profile” of someone that will really benefit from the daily coaching that goes with the program.
I’m on my way with my challenge. I’ve got 50 squats under my belt this morning & will do my pull-ups when I get home.