Thoughts on the scale--17 days out

Mostly rhetorical but any feedback will be taken under consideration & will be appreciated.

 

I know the number on the scale is just a number.  I know that my clothes fit the way I want them to.  I know that I am making progress; when I work out.  What I don’t know is why I am SO caught up with that number.  What does it matter? 

 

Today I am wearing a pair of size 8 Calvin Klein slacks.  I had to put a belt on because they hang a little loose on my hips.  I am also wearing a blouse that I bought when I weighed 169 lbs.  I should not be wearing this blouse because it is entirely too big. 

 

So why is it so important that I get my weight down to 140.  Ever.  I know that I look good.  Why the hang up?  I would love to let that go.  I am trying. 

 

Sleep would be soooo nice.  I haven’t had any labs done to see if I am peri-menopausal but I would bet my right arm I am.  I have night sweats & insomnia like I am there.  But I also am finding that I am an extremely light sleeper lately.  We set the dishwasher to run in the middle of the night—usually it starts around 1.  I wake up when the soap dispenser opens.  We don’t run the dishwasher every night.  I wake up when Joe opens his bedroom door.  It’s not like he’s making a lot of noise.  At least I don’t think he is.  Last night he sent me a text at 1:15 AM to ask me to leave him money for gas (I now control his $$ so he will not run out of money to get to school).  My phone was in my kitchen; 15-20 feet from my bedroom.  It woke me up.   I could not get back to sleep because it pissed me off. 

 

Needless to say I didn’t go to the gym again today.  I’m too freaking tired.  If anything/anyone wakes me up tonight I’m going to come unglued!

 

I had to go to the clinic today & stopped in to see my old co-workers.  Nearly every one of them told me I look more relaxed (despite being tired).  I am.  That’s all I can say to them.  This position is so much LESS stressful. 

 

I do have to be careful.  Tracy has been calling me for information & today I got a call from a friend that works at the Pentagon asking for guidance.  I don’t think my boss appreciates my taking their calls.  However I am not letting it interfere with my work (there is so little of it & I have told my boss I need projects).  I have told both Tracy & Catherine that I need to limit their calls.

 

Here’s weird… Because this used to be a dormitory my office is in what was once the common area.  My cubicle faces the bathroom.  There is no other place for it.  There is no other direction it can face.  The bathroom is co-ed.  There is a slider on the door that we use to indicate that it is in use.  Currently our Superintendent (senior enlisted person) is in there taking a shower.  This bugs the sh*t out of me.  I really don’t need or want to know when they are in there.  God love the USAF.