Saturday, February 16, 2008

Anxiety, surgery, & stuff

I am still having serious moments of rage. On Wednesday I completely freaked at our Chief of Medical Staff.

There is a woman that works for this unit that thinks she can order me around. I have continually proven her wrong in how MY job is supposed to happen & she doesn't like to be proven wrong so resorts to bullying. Our Chief was supposed to tell her that our docs would not handle their crap but he never did. On Wednesday I got a email from this woman ordering me to take care of something. I sent the Chief an email in all caps telling him to call her. Then I left him a note on his computer monitor telling him to call me before I did something stupid.

My position is situated in a strange way. I report to the head of patient administration but the program I run falls under the Chief's area of responsibility. When it comes time for inspection (every 3 years--with a retrospective look at data for that 3 years) the Chief is the person theey will talk to about it.

Mostly I don't have to turn to the Chief for assistance but when I do he totally blows me off. He doesn't respond to emails, he doesn't return my calls. I got to his office & he promptly jumps out of his chair & says he is off to another meeting. I've talked to my boss about it to no avail. I've had it with his bull shit & Wednesday's outburst was completely out of control. I'm losing my fucking mind.

But he is leaving in June. I'm hoping the new guy will be more responsive.

Which brings me to the anxiety. I've now been prescribed Zoloft. I've taken it for 2 days. I don't know if it is helping me at all. It's too early to tell I guess. But I'm not so sure I like it. I was home from work yesterday & didn't feel like I wanted to do anything. Sat around & read all day. I had no motivation to do anything. I don't know if it was the drug or just the let down from an emotionally taxing couple of weeks. I'll take my daily dose today. See how I feel.

I'm not having surgery until May 28th. This is good on a couple of different levels. I will be able to continue to train for the Broad Street Run & the Race for the Cure. Very happy about that. Also I've been told that I will be out of work for 4 to 6 weeks--All of June & part of July!!!! YEAH BABY FUN IN THE SUN! LOL Lazing by the pool & enjoying the summer. The down side is no upper body work for another 3 to 5 months.

I've been emotional eating with all this stress...let's get this right. I've been binging. Buying big bags of chips & eating them all by myself. Eating way too much.

Oh--Erin's boyfriend's band was on live on the radio yesterday. Sunday's Murder played one song of their own & 1 cover. Eric (the boyfriend) is the lead singer--pictured here on the left. Erin took this picture. It was very cool to hear them on the radio. The station is a major player in the Philadelphia market so this was no small show. The radio will now be running a commercial for their upcoming shows.
Now if he would just get a real job!


Anonymous said...

((Deb)) I'm sorry you are so stressed. The work situation does sound aggravating in the extreme, but the good thing is the guy is leaving, right? And you'll be out of there for a while so that will help you to get some equilibrium back.

BTW, anti-d's take at least 2 wks to a month to really get into your system. Also, I didn't personally have any luck with zoloft but my shrink told me that most anti-d's are basically the same thing, it's just a matter of finding the right dose/combo that works with a person's particular chemisty.

Wennndy said...

Why do you think you're getting so angry, Deb? I mean, yeah, duh ... you're overworked and in pain with your shoulder and then you've got the stress with John, but is there some underlying thing that's pushing you over the edge r.i.g.h.t. n.o.w.?

I have been talking to 50-something women over the past couple months and they tell me they spent a good deal of their mid-40s seriously pissed off. I think it has something to do with hormones. I dunno.

FWIW, I get f-ing po'd a lot too. :) I was screaming in the SUV the other day as I was driving home from the gym: "F OFF! Why the F is it always up to ME!?!?! Why the F do I have to handle everything?" Then I was all, boohoohoo, who is there for me, everyone can k my a, etc. etc. Not my best moment.

Not to make this about ME, but to show you that ... well ... I care and emphathize. Not that that necessarily helps, but hey, WTF, right?


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