I got up early yesterday, ran to a couple of stores & made some really good purchases. Had a great 20% off my entire purchase coupon for Bed, Bath & Beyond where I got a Cuisinart knife set, Simple Human dish drainer, papertowel rack & plastic cutting boards (2-1 for meat & 1 for vegis). I then ran in to work (where the conversation below took place) for a few hours & did my "annual training." I was out of there by 10:10.
On my way home, I ran to Costco & snagged a decent (I hope) deal on a 26" LCD/HDTV. My dad says the model I got isn't the best but would suit my purposes. That's really all I care about. I told my parents it has a 2 year warranty to which my mother responded, "That's all you need. By then you'll be rich." I laughed & asked what she knows. Um, that would be nothing. LOL But it was fun to laugh on this day of...ugh
I was back at the house by 11:30 with a bag of potato chips & a 24 oz cup of Joe. I brought all the boxes & packing stuff in. I put them at the top of the staircase to make the work easier while getting it all in. Once I had everything in the house I brought my coffee & chips in, went almost all the way up the stairs & placed the coffee on top of a box while I attempted to create a path for me to get up the rest of the stairs. As I did this I thought, "I hope Tony didn't spill his coffee on the carpet." See where the little tidbit above comes in...
SPLASH! All 24 ounces went running down the stairs. Sigh
I started my packing in the dining room. I got all of my china & wine glasses packed in practically no time. By 4:00 I was finished with everything I wanted to get accomplished.
I am really struggling today. Being in the house makes me miss what I thought I had. And I know that's what it is. What I thought I had.
On Monday night I called John to discuss my spending the weekend here while he was away. I told him that I am struggling with doubt as to whether this is the right thing to be doing. A year lease. Is there hope? Should we just go ahead & file for divorce?
He told me that he wonders the same thing. That he sometimes thinks we should have done this a long time ago. He went on to say that he sees some of our problems as insurmountable. When I asked him what he saw as insurmountable he told me that he doesn't think the issues I have with his family can be overcome. He thinks I should accept his family for who they are--that they have never been anything but nice to me.
This is another example of his finding fault with me. I cannot believe he sees the way his sister responded to my leaving him as nothing more than her trying to protect his best interest. He doesn't understand why I don't want him discussing our issues with her.
Okay, yes, I discuss what is happening with my mother but she has never taken a personal attack at John. Yes, she has said she can't believe what has come out--that he would be so crazy about my inappropriate behavior when he was doing exactly the same thing.
Oh--I never told you how my therapy session went. I liked Ellen. I think I could work under her IF she was willing to work with just me. Unfortunately she is not. She wants me to meet with her & John. She feels that I need to work on my marriage. I told her that I'm not willing to do that until John takes steps of his own to deal with his issues & that he isn't doing that.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I am going to take the next few months & see where life leads me.