I've been in my head way too much lately. There is this "good wife" side of me that wants to stop all this happy horseshit & make my marriage work. There is this "fuck you" side of me that says just file the damned papers & move on.
I met with an attorney yesterday to make sure I'm protecting myself through this time of separation. I'm okay. I have a draft to begin a legal separation. I really liked her. Unfortunately all she can do is advise & complete the legal separation. She is an Army attorney so she can't file the divorce for me. She did tell me that as of January 1, 2007 NJ now has an "irreconcilable differences" divorce option that will allow me to be divorced in 6 months. Six months from when? I could site that we went through counseling 3 years ago & nothing has changed. I could site the date of the email traffic I have. Or we could just use 6 months from the date that I file.
Like Wendy I am so torn about this. I want to be happy. I don't want to be with someone that will manipulate me, lie to me, make me feel like I'm the one at fault. I want someone that wants to take care of me. Really take care of me. Rub my feet, rub my back, rub my front--oh wait that's just sex. I want someone to tell me I'm sexy & not just because he wants to get laid.
I want someone to tell me what to do.