Saturday, September 29, 2007

Honestly OK

I am really trying to be okay. It's harder than I thought. I do okay and then someone asks how I'm doing. Then I get to navel gazing. Then I get depressed about my situation.

John & I met twice this weekend to discuss the finances. Our retirement accounts are a wash. He'll keep his; I'll keep mine. We split the bills. He's being very amenable. He's going to open his own accounts tomorrow & we'll transfer the appropriate amount from our joint accounts to his. I'll be calling to find out how to take him off the accounts so I can keep the same accounts. Once he has everything set up in his name we'll change the mortgage auto withdrawal to his but only until he can refinance. Shouldn't take long. We're going to refinance now because we were going to do that anyway now that the construction is complete. The only difference now is that the house will be in his name only.

I did try to talk to John about our issues but he isn't "ready." Whatever. I have made it clear that I am not intending to go back until he has gotten help. I am trying not to play into his guilt trips...sending me emails telling me he misses me, asking if it's okay if he contacts me. There really isn't much to talk about because he doesn't want to talk about it. He is still insisting that the email account was only created to help him find a new job. WTF ever. He admits it was created to keep in touch with Chris but only because there was the potential of a job. Is there anyone here that believes that to be the case? Please tell me if I'm being completely unreasonable to think that an email account titled "yourolderguy" screams that he wanted to be someone's older guy. He won't even discuss that part of the issue.

My parents are giving me carte blanche. They want me to put money away while I'm here. I'll be able to put away more than half my paycheck if I don't get shopping crazed. I want some new winter stuff. LOL


Anonymous said...

((Deb)) You'll be ok! Just take it one day at a time.

Laura said...


I'm so glad your parents are being supportive.

I reallyreallyreally hope John is able to deal with his issues for his sake, but you're right not to even consider going back to him until he does. If your leaving forces him to get help, you've done him the biggest favor you possibly could. It's one thing to "stand by your man"; it's another to enable his porn addiction and philandering and other harmful behavior.

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