Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Ease of conversation

Wendy posted that she is mourning the ease with which we used to have communication. My initial response was that I wanted more detail; an explanation. What is she referring to? Then I wondered if this has to do with my falling out with Marie & since it's never been discussed...This is what I've been thinking...

Maybe I didn't handle the situation with Marie the way some of you might have. There were things going on in my head that I didn't post about because I didn't feel the need to get into it. What I will say is that I wasn't comfortable with her for a while & blew her off when I had the chance.

If I had discussed it with you first would it have changed anything? If I had told you, privately, that I had issues with some of what was being said on her blog, her attitude, or her responses to me would that have been better? For what it's worth, I never deleted any comments she made despite her contention that I did & I never blocked her from my blog until she sent me the last few messages. If I had just stopped reading her blog & ignored her, I don't think it would have stopped. As I said back then, that wasn't the first time she irritated me & I was sure it wouldn't be the last if I didn't put an end to it.

It was never my intention to have her stop coming around to your blogs. For a while she was still there. She is a part of your circle. I just don't want her as part of mine.

I want to open a dialogue...Tell me your thoughts. If you want to blast me for it...Feel free. There is no reason that any of you should hold back.

Anyway...I'm sorry if my riff with Marie has caused the rest of the group pain. I hope this will help ease some of that.


Doin the Math said...

Hmmm. I don't feel the need to blast you, or to say that your decision to end your relationship with Marie was either right or wrong, because that is your relationship.

But the two of you were part of "our" relationship too. Our possee. And while I still love you and I still love Marie, the dynamic is different.

Maybe it's clouded by where I find myself now with some of dearest friends I see on a regular basis, but it's the same as if you and Marie got divorced, but we got to "keep" both of you, but now we don't interact with the two of you together. There is this underlying awareness that you two don't speak anymore. And right or wrong, it hurts.

Does that make sense? I can only speak for myself, and that is how it has affected me. (And I still don't know when to spell that with an "a" or an "e" after having looked up the rules! lol)

Laura said...

Sandi's divorce analogy kind of sums up how I feel about your decision to stop being friends with Marie. When you're friends with a couple and they break up, it's hard to stay friends with both. Usually one person or the other drifts away rather than risk running into his or her ex at social functions to which both have been invited. It just happens, even when everyone has behaved in a completely mature way, and it's impossible not to be sad about it.

That being said, I would never want a friend to stay in a relationship that was making her unhappy no matter how much I liked her partner. All too often when a relationship goes sour it's not because either person is "bad" but simply that they press each other's buttons in a way that makes them wrong for each other. I might not understand it, but so what? It's not MY relationship.

Even so, it makes me sad. Some of it is just an existential, for-whom-the-bell-tolls thing that's made worse by hormones and the fact that it's autumn. My problem not yours, in other words.

And some of it is that it's not just Marie I'm missing. I also miss Gil and Kimmie and Tracy, although as I said on Wendy's blog that's partly my fault for being such a Facebook-phobe. I hate Facebook interactions, though. There's no real intimacy. It doesn't feel like friendship so much as advertising. Again, though, that's my issue and I probably just need to get over it. At its best Facebook is like a huge all-campus party, and those can be a lot of fun when you're in the mood. Problem is, I almost never am. But it's MY problem, not yours.

Anyway, I applaud your courage in opening the topic up for discussion. It was a gutsy thing to do.

Wennndy said...

What they said.

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