I haven’t chosen a gym yet.  Though, I am leaning toward Planet Fitness because they are convenient to my office, dead at 4:20 when I drive by in the morning & dirt cheap…They are running a summer special of $20 registration fee & $10/month.  For my purpose the price is right.

John didn’t get the job.  He got an email saying they have decided to go in another direction.  Thank you very much.  We’re bummed but know that the economy HAS to turn around sometime. 

I still haven’t heard about my job…It’s just been 5 weeks since the interview.  IF they turned in the list of names the hiring manager said she was going to turn them in I won’t hear anything for another 2 weeks or more.  The waiting sucks.  I don’t even know anyone that I can follow up with…She made it clear she was not going to discuss it—that’s the way the civil service hiring function is SUPPOSED to work…Air Force personnel notifies the applicant; not the hiring manager.  

Anyway, I’m enjoying LE so far.  I still feel there is nothing easy about the workouts. 

I had to check myself this morning when responding to someone that responded to my journal.  I posted a frustration that I have with how much I struggle to get the weight off & how easily it comes back on if I stray.  I said, “I'm so frustrated with myself...I have to fight for every pound of fat I lose & had gotten down less than 155 for the first time in 6 months. I had a lapse in judgment on Sunday & put 5 back on...Yes, water weight but it's not coming off as easily as drinking a gallon of water a day might make it for some people. I've only lost 2 of the 5 I regained. Dang it. I know it will come back off. It's just a matter of time. Too much time in my instant gratification mind. Lesson learned...no more celebrating all day & drinking an entire bottle of wine.”

This is the response:

 

“Did you read the lesson Krista gave (Hooked on a Feeling) about emotions tied into trigger foods? I think, instead of beating yourself up, you need to really dive in and figure out WHY you find yourself drinking these things. I also think you should go and read (or re-read) the lesson and really start to pick apart the rituals surrounding this act (as in, why, specifically, do you consider a bottle of wine drank over the whole day a celebration? What about the taste, the experience, or what-have-you makes you feel this way?).  And again, DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP. Weight gain is what it is, feeling shame about it won't make it any easier, or better on you. Instead, be happy that you recognize what the problem is, and that you have a bunch of people here willing to help you navigate your way through this journey.”

 

I started to respond: “Um did it ever occur to you that the reason I am even discussing this here is because I had done exactly what Krista suggested & this is my response to it?  Don’t go projecting your own insecurities on me, check yourself!” 

 

I didn’t respond that way.

I did respond: “I'm frustrated because I was making progress & blew it in 1 day. Expressing frustration is not the same as beating myself up & feeling shame.

I did read hooked on a feeling & that's what prompted my mention of alcohol consumption. I didn't get into all of the whys & therefores because the answers aren't really all that important to me. The resulting knowledge that I recognize the problem is.

I mentioned that I'm trying to keep the alcohol intake to a minimum because I do recognize it as an obstacle to my fat loss goals. I drank a bottle of wine over the course of the day on Sunday as part of a celebration; drinking the wine was not THE celebration.

I appreciate the input. Hope this explains where I'm coming from.”

Good God woman, I didn’t confess that I drink a bottle of wine every night.  I drank a bottle of wine in a 4 hour time span.  Holy shit!

We were celebrating John’s interview.  Even having gotten an interview was a big deal for us.  He has sent his resume out over 200 times in the last 6 months.  It’s very discouraging. 

So, yes, I acknowledge that I blew the hard earned gains I had achieved.  I have kept the alcohol intake to a minimum & blew it in 1 day.  But I am not beating myself up over it.  I see what the affect is & am taking action to correct it.

I am taking 30 mg of fish oil a day…My measurements say I’m 31% body fat & the advice is to take 1 gram per % of body fat.  I have noticed that I am not as hungry as I was & my skin is crazy beautiful!  It’s softer.  I love it!  I haven’t noticed anything else but this is a nice little bonus.