pondiferous thoughts (or naval gazing)

None of this has anything to do with PMS…I’m not there.  

I’m beginning to wonder if I just need to get used to the fact that I’m going to weigh more & have more fat from my waist down than I am happy with.  My fat ass is up 3 lbs again.  WTF?!  I mean seriously!  I was PERFECT with my nutrition all weekend until dinner last night.  I had an Italian sausage on a roll & ½ not on a roll & an ear of corn, some little neck clams, & some shrimp (yep, no veggies).  I had a small ice cream cone.  I drank a gallon of water each day & still… WTF?! 

I am back on this morning but I’m beginning to think that maybe I just need to learn to be happy where I am – a size 10. I HATE IT!!!  I don’t like the way my legs look.  Yeah, um, just call me thunder thighs.  I want to eat Mexican food.  I want to eat pasta.  I want to have movie theater popcorn. I want a chocolate donut from Dunkin Donuts.  Hell, I want a dozen donuts from Dunkin Donuts.

I love working out so that isn’t even a factor in this.  That’s not going away.  I love how strong I’m getting.

I hate eating my favorite foods & gaining weight only to fight for a week to get it back off before my next reward meal.  The 10% rule doesn’t work for me.  I have to be perfect every fucking meal in order to lose.  One deviation & I’m right back where I started. 

I’m so tired of this. 

Segue.

I went to the gym in our academic building today rather than the big McGuire gym.  It’s nice but it’s extremely small.  The equipment is in really good shape but there is little selection in dumbbells—1 set of 10s so I had to wait.  I’ll deal with the heat (AC doesn’t function well) & less than immaculate bathrooms at the big gym. 

I wasn’t strong today.