more thoughts & pain in the neck (literally)

I’ll start with the pain in the neck because that’s pretty short & sweet & doesn’t require much thought. 

 

The gravitron is down at the gym & I can’t jump high enough to reach the bars (it’s ridiculous how high they are) to do reverse chin-ups (I suppose I could move a bench but whatever).  I decided to just do that portion of my workout at home.  I jumped up, did 3 unassisted chins (partial extension); felt some pull in my left trap but continued to do 4 more band-assisted chins from a full extension.  I know, what a dumb ass thing to do.  Within a half hour my trap was begging for mercy.  By the time I went to bed I wanted to cry it hurt so bad.

 

The strange thing is that I can move my arms and neck without it causing any additional pain.  I can lift things (my gym bag that needed to be put away) without any additional pain.  I saw one of our PAs this morning (we have 4 that work in my new unit for doing sick-call & injury triage of our students).  Take Naprosyn again.  If it gets worse or doesn’t feel better in a few days…

 

Needless to say I skipped the gym this morning.  Damn it!

 

I’ve continued to think about whether I’ll be doing LEP. I keep coming across different articles that make me think that maybe I should go ahead & do it because I know that I will learn so much from it. 

 

For example, yesterday I finally got around to reading an article by Krista Scott-Dixon, What’s Eating You?  It’s a great article.  This is my favorite part:

Focus primarily on what your body can do, and how you feel inside it. It is OK to want to be beautiful. It is OK to want to look hot nekkid. But understand what is real and normal and sane. Shoot for “fit normal” as an ideal and beyond that, focus on living wellness and an authentic, honest, loving relationship with your body (which includes, by the way, eating real food).

When you eat, ask yourself what your food is doing for you, not whether someone or something is allowing (or preventing) you eating it. Ask yourself how much distress this project prompts in you.

When you work out, feel the pleasure of your body moving, and the thrill of emergent power, not how many calories this is burning. (this is something that I can honestly say I am able to do!)

Are you going towards joy or away from it? Understand that drastic restriction, control freakery, and rigid rules will always come back to bite you in the ass, whether that’s an hour from now or a year from now.

Are you present with this body of yours? Aware? Mindful? Thoughtful? Are you caring for your insides — all your insides — mental, emotional, and cognitive? Do you bullshit yourself? Tell yourself lies? Yell at yourself? “Should” yourself?

Does every choice you make say “Yes, I will love and nourish you, self”? or do your actions really say: “I hate your guts and I will do everything I can to beat you into submission”?...

This is what the citizens of Buffland want but will never have. No matter how fantastic your ass is, if you don’t feel “Wheeee!” at least some of the time… and if your eating has become more like religious penance… then it’s a darn good sign that your soul is seriously out of shape.

I had gotten to the point where my soul was seriously out of shape.  The past two weeks I’ve quit thinking so much about what I’m putting into my mouth.  I’ve continued to work out (when I can) but stopped beating myself up. 

 

Guess what? 

 

Initially the scale jumped.  It jumped scary high (10 lbs but I didn’t freak out.  This morning the scale is back where it started two weeks ago. 

 

I have started to notice that I don’t hate the shape I’m in.  Do I want to look hot(ter) nekkid?  You betcha.  John tells me I do.  Silly boy & his hormones (at 54 he’s got it going on!).  Do I want to make my preacher-next-door-neighbor want to gouge his eyes out because it’s a sin to covet thy neighbor’s wife?  Yep, a little bit but only because his wife has had 4 kids in 7 years & has a smoking hot body (fucking genetics).  For the record she runs but I don’t think she lifts weights.

 

I have noticed that while I have that little pooch, I have a lines down the center & down the sides of my abs.  I have a little bit of a diamond shape coming out in my delts.  My thighs could use some work but even those aren’t horrible.  Not too bad for an old woman, right?

 

I’m working on getting my mind healthy about my eating.  That’s what I hope LEP would help me do if I decide to do it.