Changes

I whine about the scale. It's what I do. I have said, I admit it's my drug of choice. I weighed 95 lbs at 5'6" when I was in my junior year of high school. I was called, "Bubble Butt," by my father. I was told that I needed to lose 5 more lbs by my boyfriend, "If you would just lose 5 more lbs you would look great." On my wedding day, I weighed a whopping 110 lbs. The pictures are scary. A size 7 was too big on me. When I found out I was pregnant with Erin, I weighed 117 at my first Ob appointment. When I gave birth to her I weighed 186 lbs--AFTER delivery.

The number means nothing. I know that. I haven't been on the scale for 2 days. On Tuesday I weighed 154.5.

So here's the thing...I'm trying. I really, really am trying to stop freaking out about the scale.

Tonight I did my last March Wendy Plan workout. I did really well considering how weak I felt last night (see below). When I finished lifting I did 10 sets of 15 kettlebell swings. My biceps are still carrying more fat than I would like but I'm working on it.

My shoulders, on the other hand, when standing in the "perfect" light are looking FUCKING AMAZING!!! I posted the other day that I could see where my abs are going to be. Tonight I could see where my delts are. Between my shoulders & my pecs is starting to have the most incredible look. I hope that when I take pictures you all can see what I see in the shadows.

The jeans I wore to work today are starting to be loose! Yes, loose. Erin called me "saggy bottoms," tonight! For what its worth, I look my jeans loose in the ass.

The plans Wendy is putting together for me are helping me to achieve the look I have been wanting for years. I've been consistent in my workouts & I have seen pictures of women that have been successful in achieving the look I want using videos. I never have. I don't know if it's the diet or the workouts but SOMETHING she is teaching me is working.

I've always had a crush on Wendy, this has just made it that crazier. LOL

DB deadlifts from the floor: 25(2)/30(2)
Farmers walks: 60 steps 35 lbs
BB Romanian deads: 55(1)/65(3)
Leg curls: 35 lbs

On an entirely different subject...

Erin seems disgusted with Eric again. She's having PRK tomorrow (our graduation gift to her). I asked her if he was going to come hang out with her while she healed over the next couple of days. She said that he isn't. I was, very teasingly, asking why not. I said that I thought he should come & hold her hand while she sits with her eyes closed. I was PLAYING with her--and it's not like she doesn't know my teasing tone. SHE COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT! Went off that I should leave him alone. When I asked if everything was okay she told me that it is but it would be boring for him to be here while she sat with her eyes closed. I said that I know that I was just playing & let it go.

They haven't seen each other since Sunday morning. They went to dinner tonight. While she was getting ready to go out I asked what they were up to & she told me they were going to dinner & then maybe bowling or a movie. I said that we should go bowling together again, that it was a lot of fun the last time. She said it was & would think about it.

Anyway, he was supposed to be here between 6 & 7. He didn't get here until 7:30. When she came to say good-bye to me she looked like she had been crying. I asked if she was okay & she said she is sick of him being late.

This time instead of going into a rant about what a jerk & how manipulative this behavior is I told her that this is who he is & that she knows that. She said, "yeah, it's getting old."

Hmmm, I wonder what is going on there. I hope I can keep my big, mother mouth shut!