Just for Marie...

I'm posting just so Marie won't have to subject herself to the Yas. I haven't been there in forever. I never got into their "social" network (by choice) and wanted more from my fitness community. How the hell did I end up at MUM???

I have talked to my doc about Wellbutrin but because we're dealing with anxiety & stress, he doesn't think it's right for me. I have to tell you, I felt better today than I have since starting the Zoloft. My head didn't hurt & was crystal clear. I think I'm just in a better place right now.

Not that I'm putting much stress on myself but I've brought a shit load of work home with me. BUT they are finally at least letting me accumulate comp time. I would rather have the overtime but I'll take time off--if I can. It is sort of a catch-22; work overtime so that I can take time off at no cost to my vacation/sick time but take time off to come back to additional work. Sigh. Unfortunately there are things that I need to get done before I go out in May that won't get done if I don't do them here at home beause I spend my day running around the clinic or talking to patients. So I'm going to try to get some stuff done here.

It's supposed to snow tonight. If I'm lucky the clinic will be closed tomorrow. If it is I will still ride in to work with John & have a full 8 hours with no one to disturb me. That'll help.

Ever been to the doctor for pain & have them ask, "on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad does it hurt?" This morning while I was drying off after my shower, the towel caught on my nose piercing. It pulled the stud. I said, "ow, son of a bitch!" And continued to dry off. I looked in the mirror to find the stud was pulled about 1/2 out. I tried to push it back in but it wouldn't go. So I decided to pull it out. Damn thing was coated...I won't say in what...& hurt like a mother when I pulled it out. It hurt so badly that I got nauseuous & had tunnel vision. I had to squat down & put my head between my knees. I almost passed out! Holy Shit! I now know what a pain level of 9 feels like!!! I came home & fought the mother back in.

John went to Cape Cod last weekend. While he was there he went shopping for a new phone for his father. His father had been complaining that the phone he had didn't work -- it was always dialing wrong numbers. John bought him one of those phones with huge numbers on it. It also has a digital display with huge numbers that shows what number you have just dialed. John & his sister spent hours trying to teach Serge how to use the phone on Sunday.

On Monday Serge called John 5 times! Each time he called he either told John the phone wasn't working or he hung up. John finally called him back to tell him to stop calling. When Serge answered the phone he pretended that he didn't recognize John's voice & finally said, "this phone isn't working," and hung up on John!

John called his sister to find out that Serge was also calling his cleaning lady with the same shit. His sister said she couldn't believe how mean Serge has become. When John told me that I reminded him that his father has ALWAYS been mean & that he & his sister have chosen to forget.

In the past 10 years since John's mother died Serge has driven off snow shovelers, housekeepers, handymen, John's mother's best friend, neighbors that used to help him no longer even speak to him, etc...Oh & um, let's not forget that he used to hit me if I went to see him.

John's sister wants to have this man evaluated for mental capacity. I just laughed when John told me this. Why? Because the man is not incompetent. He is a mean son of bitch that abuses everyone that he comes in contact with & manipulates John & his sister.

Part of this discussion did lead to a conversation about some of John's behaviors. There have been times when John has behaved much the way his father does. I told him that I wasn't telling him that to be mean but it is something that he needs to work on--part of his therapy. He told me that this past weekend was a real eye opener for him. He saw it & it scared him. HOLY SHIT!

We're getting better.

I'm going to move back to the house just before my surgery.

Boy when I started this I thought I really didn't have anything to talk about & this would be another post about nothing. It's still a post about nothing but I sure did say a lot!