Saturday, January 26, 2008

Fitness issues

I'm disgusted. I've gained 20 lbs since December 1. Yeah, really. It's sad. I know that 90% of it is diet which I've gotten under control (mostly) again. I'm using my fit day log to keep an eye on things. I'm hopeful that when we weigh in at work on Monday instead of having gained yet again I will finally be headed in the right direction with a loss.

With my shoulder issues so I know I can't do upper body work (but dammit I want to). I don't want to make it any worse. If I start doing leg work, is it going provide me any benefit at all? Since I know changing the shape of my legs will take FOREVER (okay not really forever but a long time) I'm not too worried about doing only legs.

I'm doing cardio intervals 3 days a week. I'm doing treadmill, bike, & elliptical workouts; one of each. However if I miss workouts during the work week I do elliptical training at the house. As is the case this week. With the short work week I only managed one workout this week. So I will do 2 days in a row on the elliptical because it's too danged cold to run outside.

My big QUESTION is will I get the same benefits from only doing lower body work as I would if I were doing total body workouts? I guess I'll find out.

My plan is to do some squats (using the squat rack to get the bar up), lunges, extensions & curls. I know Alwyn & Lou poo poo machines but I simply cannot do deadlifts with my back issues. No matter how light I go I end up with back pain. I will, however, use their advice for workouts as much as possible.

I'll keep you posted on my progress.

I'm going to talk to John about moving home. I'm ready. I'm tired of feeling like I'm being punished. LET ME BE CLEAR he has not said a word about my living here. He doesn't do anything to make me feel guilty. When Erin comes over for dinner & leaves I feel like I'm being punished. I don't want to feel that way.

I know that it took both of us to get where we are now. I don't want to live this way any more. I want my life back. I want my marriage back. I want to try to get my marriage back. I want to be satisfied with what I had & what I know I can have.

I've prayed long and hard about this. I know this is right.

Funny thing is that I am afraid of going to the apartment management & telling them. How stupid is that. I know I will have to pay off the year lease. For what I will have gained for this experience it is worth it to me. I don't care about the financial cost. The emotional gain has been TREMENDOUS.

I am being totally honest with myself. I would not be making this decision if I was involved with someone else. I wouldn't want any part of John. But I really don't want to be in a relationship with anyone else. I do want to make my marriage work.

Our counseling has been going very well. Okay, it's only been a few weeks. Fortunately John's accountability partner isn't going to let him back off if I move home. I know I can count on him to keep John in line if I need help.

So within the next couple of weeks--maybe even as early as next week I'll be going back to my house. It is a little scary but it is also a relief.

1 comment:

Marie said...

((Deb)) Is there any way you can sublet the apt? Also, I think you only have to pay until they re-rent it. Read your lease and maybe contact a lawyer (or talk to Laura?). Good luck!! ((hugs))

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